As an introvert myself, I know firsthand how challenging social situations can be. But I’ve always wondered just how far some of us will go to avoid them.
So, I reached out to my community of fellow introverts and asked if they’d be willing to share their most outrageous confessions anonymously.
To my surprise, they obliged! I’ve obviously removed their names to protect their identities, but the stories they shared are too good not to share with the world. (They’re OK with that!)
Get ready to laugh, cringe, and maybe even relate as we dive into 15 jaw-dropping confessions from introverts who took their avoidance tactics to the next level!
1. The Great Broom Closet Escape 🧹
I once hid in a broom closet at work for 4 hours to avoid going to the company holiday party.
Yep, you read that right. While my coworkers were sipping punch and making small talk, I was chilling with the mops and buckets.
The worst part? When the janitor finally opened the door, I had to pretend I was looking for a specific cleaning product.
Talk about commitment to the introvert lifestyle!
2. My AI Girlfriend 💻
I created a fake girlfriend using AI so my parents would stop nagging me about being single.
It started innocent enough – a few chatbot conversations here, a generated profile pic there. But before I knew it, I had a full-blown virtual relationship.
The charade lasted for months until my mom insisted on meeting her. Lesson learned: AI can’t come to family dinners.
Haha! I did chuckle out loud for this one!
3. The Multilingual Excuse Master 🌍
I practiced saying “I have plans” in 4 different languages so I can turn down social invitations from anyone.
You never know when a foreign language might come in handy for dodging awkward social situations.
From “Je suis occupé” to “Estoy ocupado,” I’ve got my bases covered. Now, if only I could remember how to say “I’m free this weekend” in case I ever change my mind…
Impressive!
4. Alexa, Be My Friend 🗣️
I programmed Alexa to have 2-hour conversations with herself so it sounds like I have friends over.
Who needs real friends when you have artificial intelligence? With a little creative programming, Alexa can be quite the chatterbox.
The only downside is when guests come over and wonder why I’m having a deep discussion with my smart speaker about the meaning of life.
Tempted to try this one! Don’t tell anyone!
5. The Great Pizza Heist 🍕
I bribed the pizza delivery guy to sneak me food during my own surprise party so I could hide in my room.
Picture this: a house full of people, all there to celebrate little old me. The horror!
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and in this case, that meant negotiating with the pizza guy to be my accomplice.
One large pepperoni and a generous tip later, I was safely tucked away in my room, blissfully stuffing my face while the party raged on without me.
I wonder how they got away with that?!
6. The Phantom Power Outage 💡
I faked a power outage by blowing the fuse just to get out of hosting book club.
It was my turn to host, and the thought of having a dozen people in my living room discussing the intricacies of the latest bestseller was too much to bear.
So, I did what any resourceful introvert would do: I “accidentally” tripped the breaker and plunged the house into darkness.
Oops, looks like book club will have to be rescheduled!
And the Oscar goes to…
7. The Secret Solo Retreat 🧘♀️
I told everyone I was going on a meditation retreat but really checked into a hotel room alone for a week.
Sometimes, you just need a break from the world. And what better way to do that than to disappear off the grid entirely?
I crafted a elaborate story about a silent meditation retreat in the mountains, complete with a digital detox and daily yoga sessions.
In reality, I was holed up in a hotel room with nothing but Netflix and room service for company. Best vacation ever!
I totally get this!
8. The Master of Disguise 🥸
I wore a disguise to my high school reunion to avoid talking to people.
High school reunions are the stuff of nightmares for introverts. All those old classmates you barely remember, eager to catch up on the last decade of your life? No, thank you.
But when my curiosity got the best of me, I devised a foolproof plan: attend in disguise. With a wig, fake mustache, and a newfound confidence, I was able to observe without anyone recognizing me.
People must have been wondering who they were?
9. The Creepy Crawler Caper 🕷️
Back when I was in college, I released a jar of spiders in my dorm so my roommate would leave me alone for a few days.
Desperate for some alone time, I resorted to drastic measures. I “borrowed” some spiders from the biology lab and set them loose in our dorm room.
The result? My roommate fled in terror, and I had the place to myself for a glorious 48 hours.
Sure, I had to deal with the creepy crawlies myself eventually, but it was worth it for the sweet, sweet solitude.
Haha, I feel sorry for the roommate!
10. Civic Duty or Introvert Haven? ⚖️
I signed up for jury duty just to have an excuse not to socialize.
When the summons arrived in the mail, most people would groan at the thought of being cooped up in a courtroom for days on end.
But for me, it was a golden opportunity. Suddenly, I had an ironclad excuse to avoid social gatherings and idle chitchat.
“Sorry, I can’t make it to the party this weekend. I have jury duty.” Music to my introverted ears.
Risky! Could have got a super-long boring case.
11. The Robot Takeover 🤖
I bought a Roomba for every room so I can pretend the noises are other people in the house.
Living alone can be a dream come true for introverts, but sometimes the silence can be a little too deafening.
My solution? An army of robot vacuums. With a Roomba whirring away in every room, it’s like I have a whole houseful of company.
Sure, they might not be the best conversationalists, but they never overstay their welcome or expect me to entertain them.
Lol, must be a super clean house!
12. The Klingon Gambit 🖖
I learned to speak Klingon so I can pretend not to understand when people talk to me.
When all else fails, sometimes you have to get creative with your avoidance tactics. And what’s more obscure than a fictional alien language?
I spent months perfecting my Klingon pronunciation and memorizing key phrases like “Qapla’!” (success) and “Qo’noS Datlh’a’ jIjaH” (I’m going to Kronos).
Now, when someone tries to strike up a conversation, I simply respond in Klingon and watch as they slowly back away in confusion.
Haha, this can’t be true, can it?
13. The Long Walk Home ❄️
I once walked 10 miles home from a party in the snow because I was too awkward to ask for a ride.
We’ve all been there: stuck at a party, desperately wanting to leave but too shy to ask for a ride home.
Well, I took it to the extreme. Rather than suffer through another minute of forced socializing, I bundled up and set off on foot.
Ten miles and several hours later, I finally arrived home, frozen to the bone but triumphant in my escape.
Oh ouch! Sounds like it was worth it though.
14. The Elaborate Escape Plan 🚪
I once faked a family emergency to get out of a wedding reception early.
Desperate to minimize my exposure, I concocted an elaborate story about a family member being rushed to the hospital.
I even set an alarm on my phone to go off during the reception, complete with a pre-recorded message from my “sister” about the emergency.
When the alarm sounded, I put on my best concerned face and rushed out of the venue, apologizing profusely to the newlyweds on my way out.
It wasn’t my proudest moment, but it sure beat having to endure another round of the Electric Slide.
I’m guessing this person is not an extreme introvert given the attention the alarm going off would have brought on! Glad it worked out for you.
15. The Invisible Award Winner 🏆
I won an award but skipped my own ceremony and had it mailed to me to avoid going on stage.
Picture this: you’ve just won a prestigious award, but the thought of accepting it in front of a crowd fills you with dread.
What do you do? If you’re me, you quietly inform the organizers that you won’t be attending and ask them to mail you the trophy instead.
Sure, I missed out on the applause and the chance to give an acceptance speech, but I got to celebrate my achievement in the comfort of my own home, far from the spotlight.
Congrats on the award! And yes, I do totally get that!
Over To You!
So there you have it, folks: proof that introverts will go to great lengths to protect our precious alone time.
This was a bit of harmless fun because at the end of the day, it’s all about embracing our unique quirks and finding ways to thrive in a world that often favors extroverts.
What’s the most extreme thing you’ve done to avoid socializing? Share your stories in the comments below.
I’ve done #7 ALOT !!! Going to a weekend study group , created a fake friend I’m seeing , going on a retreat , going out of town ( actually literally yet still in same county yet not very far )